She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
