theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We smell like vodka and hangover
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