i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Less talking, more tequila
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
