Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
