Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
