I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
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I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
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He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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