the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
