Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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