Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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