If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
