I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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