yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
