Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
