so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize