If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Pants are for mortals
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
