After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
