that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
