my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
