I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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