Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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