drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
