My friends, they love my intelligence
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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