Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
