I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
