"it" just moved
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
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Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
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Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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