I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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