You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
