I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
