I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
