Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
