My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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