Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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