dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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