I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
