i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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