I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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