does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
we're so committed to being not committed
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
