I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
