Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
