I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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