someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You dont lie about slip and slides
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
