Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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