FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
