i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
