I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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