wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we're making bets on your personal life
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
