I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
