dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
