I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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