goodnight i made you a song goodbye
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I want a musical about memes.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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