Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
