im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
