I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
