The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
