Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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