oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
