I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
