A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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