She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
