It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
