Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
