The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
