i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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