roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
