hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
