he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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