i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
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Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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