Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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