the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
