At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
