I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
