based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
